Monday, October 12, 2015

as the flashing lights came towards me

i was in a hotel,i heard a scream so i ran out of my room and into an elevater,as the flasing lights came towards me the elevater shut.I felt like something was grabbing my leg.It smelt like nothing as the elevater stopped i saw a floating freddy mask.I tasted sweat that was dripping down from my head.It was coming towards me i dodged him and ran out of the hotel everyone else was looking at me and told me what happed.

3 comments:

  1. Great descriptions! Remember that the word "I" always has a capital. Please fix.

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  2. Hi Michael, your post was very interesting. I liked how you tried to use your five senses to make it descriptive. Next time you could of used better punctuation, capitals and spelling. You also could of used spaces after commas and periods. Finally you should of tried to stay in the moment. Keep up the good work

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  3. Hey Micheal! I liked how you made your paragraph a horror story. I know what "FNAF" is but I maybe not everyone knows. My teacher (Mr.Robinson) told me to "explode the moment" that means to slow the moment waaaay down and describe what is going on in that moment. Also, whenever you put an " I " by itself you need to put it in a capital. And whenever you put a period ( . ) always put one or two spaces after it. Otherwise, your paragraph is awesome!

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